My 500 Words – commit to the plan

So I’ve committed to writing 500 words a day for the next thirty-one days.

i’ve already messed up because i’ve started and restarted this blog post about five times to many.

I don’t know why I can’t  figure out how to read others posts on the same things. Is it all private? Maybe so. I guess I will need to search a little bit more. The prompts seem fun. Who knows what will come out of this mind of mine that I barely understand and I live with it!

I’ve never been big at committing to stuff. I get nervous thinking that if I commit it means I lose control of what I want, or what I truly desire. I don’t like to be controlled. Will this control me? Will I feel like I’m locked into writing about things I don’t really care about or feel forced? I get that way often.

there I go again, being negative…  and there I go again making this a journal entry instead of something people want to read. starting over…

I Am looking forward to writing 500 words a day for the next thirty-one days because; I. Am. A. WRITER. Yes. It’s true. I love to write. I crave it really. The desire to write and inspire runs through my blood like a drug. I get excited about writing, being read and over all being called a “writer”. Maybe I’ll never be read but that is not the point. The point is: I can’t stop myself from writing. It is what I’m called to do. And I’m thrilled to finally be honest about that.

whoa. 500 words is a lot. i’m already stalling.

I’m Still, thinking about the word commit. Committing to writing, I’m nervous that I’ll fail. Really? What is there to fail at? That my sentences don’t make sense? I guess that is a valid fear. Is it necessary though?

am i allowed to go to the bathroom in the middle of writing these prompts?

Committing means sticking through till the end. Loyalty comes to mind. Am I really loyal? I think I am, but I also tend to be flighty when something better comes a long.

oh gosh. i don’t think i’m making sense.

Accountability is good. It’s a way to remind me that other people care and want to see me succeed as much as I want to succeed. The hardest part about committing though is the fear of finding out that I’m really not good at what I’ve committed too. What if I embarrass myself? What if I fail and embarrass someone else. What if I am looked at it with that cynical face and told that I should try something else?

oh! now i get it!

Commitment makes me afraid of rejection. If I commit I want to make sure that I am being committed to too. Right? It all comes down to one thing. Rejection. If I commit, will I be rejected?

Well… Here’s to committing without caring about the rejection.


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