Twenty minutes of free writing. That sort of freaks me out. What if I get bored? What if I run out of things to say? What if people don’t like what I write about? Yeah, yeah. Let them be judg-y. I’ll write to write and who cares what people think.
I’m sitting at the table in our, dining room? If we can even call it that. It’s not a secluded room and I can see the kitchen to my right and the living room in front of me. One huge room with different sections. I’m looking out at the lake and there in the lily pads are some carp that are flipping out. probably spawning. Do you know how carp spawn? It’s really quite hilarious. The male carp rams into the lady carp at alarming speed so that the eggs that have already been fertilized will fall out of her. Great huh? Yeah, that is they way I would want my pregnancy to go. 9 months of carrying babies and then Wham! I’m hit by a truck and the baby flies out all nice and fine.
Something about free writing makes me turn into a some type of crazy fanatic that rambles. I talk about random things and I can’t ever get my mind to settle on something that I really want to talk about.
Yesterday at the office I talk about dating with one of the patients. Why does dating have to involve dinner? And dinner, I don’t mean like eating dinner. That’s fine. But going out to some fancy place and having to order and dine. It’s so… it’s so….. much pressure! Lets go to Chipotle and then go sky diving. Now that would be a fun date. Isn’t it true that you find out the most about someone when you’re doing activities with them? Yes. I believe that one-hundred-percent. So, my point is…. Go DO something. Forget about a fancy dinner.
Carp spawning, Dates…. Looks like I’m on the topic of relationships. Funny how my mind goes there when I’m free writing. Does that mean this is what I’m thinking about right now? Well great. (I wish you could hear me talk this out. It’s comical.)
I am extremely hesitant when it comes to relationships. Any type. Even this Writing 101 relationship. Questions asked of course are:
What if people read my stuff and turn the other way cause they think it sucks?
How will I handle my disappointment when I read someone who’s better than me?
Could I possibly get kicked off the band wagon if I truly am terrible?
Some of those are silly questions. But you get the drift. The real question is: Will they see potential and stay with me?
There is always the fear of being rejected. That is why we hold so tightly onto the friends and people around us that have proven that they will never leave us. Yeah, they will get frustrated. But you have trust to never leave you. Writing can take on that same type of relationship. There are authors out there who have expressed their feelings and have shown that they are very intimidated when they’ve released a book or blog. Why? Because they are afraid of the rejection. Afraid that once they are read someone will walk out with the hopes of never reading them again. Strange huh? I get the image of a group of friends and one person states out her heart. All of the friends but one stick with her, wanting to comfort her or give her advice. But that one person who left. That is what gives her the insecurities of a life time. Why did that one person leave?
I have to remember that it’s not always about everyone. I can’t please everyone. I can’t give everyone what they need. What matters are the people that I can relate too. Just like there are those out there who I relate to, and others that I don’t. My heart is glad when I find those with like minded thoughts and personalities. Then there are others that I read a few words and throw the page down not interested at all. And yet someone else might pick up that same page and LOVE it.
A lesson to be learned right now is this: There will never be a perfect relationship, BUT that does not mean to not start one at all. It means to be free in who you are. Let them Ram into you from time to time. Let them reject you every once in a while. It builds character. It builds relationships stronger. Don’t get stepped on. I mean come on! Everyone knows they can’t play the victim all the time.
Don’t be afraid to just be free in your writing. In your relationships. If you can’t be you there is no point in doing what you’re doing. You’ve got to be yourself. That is the big lesson here.
Obviously this is myself. Listen to me, I’m going crazy with random
crap words here.
Ok, so Times up. Or at least almost up. Without something specific to write about I just flounder and don’t know where to go. It’s important to find you voice.
I’m looking forward to this writing process. Can’t wait for the next time I sit here and contemplate.