The desk is a mess. Cards are sitting in front of me. At least five books lay around me. My water bottle needs filled again. My journal has been getting scratched from me all day and I am eagerly waiting for someone to message me on my phone.
I am behind on the blogging courses I have committed to. I am also procrastinating at the editing process in which my own personal work needs.
I begin to type out the words that make up some type of story or paragraph and then my mind… goes elsewhere. I am no longer sitting at the computer, I am now thinking of all the places I should be right now.
Finishing my laundry. Cleaning my room. Cleaning off this desk. Sitting outside. Reading a book. Thinking about work. Texting friends so that they will text me.
Will this writing business ever take off and flourish anyway? Is this all just a waste of time?
I stalked one of the authors I just read earlier today. I was surprised to find he blogs. And daily! He writes like he is the character in the book of his I just read. Saying “I” and “Me”. Just like if we were having a conversation. His career is his writing. And he’s caught up in the politics of it all.
Will it bring in enough money for his family this year? Are the stories in his mind good enough for the public?
My dream is to be an author. Authors dream to just be a writer. Writers dream of being noticed. All at once the career takes off and we forget about the reason we wanted to write in the first place.
Why do we want to write? What is it that speaks to our souls which makes our fingers itch to let out the sentences that form in our minds?
The sun rises. Sets. Rises. Sets.
Days go on and life moves forward. Each day we get older and slowly waste the day that could have used to lead to our dream.
Today feels like I am going nowhere. There is no hope.
Then I read his words. The author I favor right now.
He’s living my dream. He struggles with the daily grind of writing. Being critiqued. Continually creating.
I am reminded that achieving a dream doesn’t mean arrival. There is continual striving. Always moving forward. Getting better.
My desk is scattered with all these thoughts. My mind races with ideas that I can do tomorrow. But I need to start now. I need to get this show on the road. To move forward. To do.
Rejecting is part of the game. If I’m rejected will I quit? When I realize it is part of the process it doesn’t feel so bad. When I hear the authors that I read today speak on struggling in writing. Or being tired and just wanting to write without all the politics. I realize that I’m not there yet. But I want to be! I want to get there. I want to get to that place where I’ve accomplished so much and yet am still striving for more. Looking for more creativity and ways to get the words that swarm in my mind out into the world.
There are so many more out there like me. We desire the same things. We want to find ourselves achieving the mental success that we can only dream of now. My hope is that you Go. You Do. You act Now!
Soon we will be there. Soon we will say we’ve made it. Soon we will look back and see all that we achieved. Soon we will look back on our beginnings and see how much we’ve learned.
Soon My friend…. Soon.