I forgot that I need you.

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This past week has been difficult. The stress in decision making for a 24 year old can give one gray hairs WAY to early in life.

If you know anything about me you know that I talk to my mother for just about everything. Except of course some of the typical conversation that I know she will only condemn me for. Am I right? Of course, I’m right. I’m in my twenties for crying out loud. I. Am. Right!

I have been conversing back and forth with my boss ex-boss, regarding some things I’ve been struggling with at work. In the process I’ve proceeded to dig myself into a hole that has made this entire “quitting” process SO uncomfortable and over all, humiliating.

I am inadequate, under-qualified, a quitter, disloyal, non committal, not dependable, a satan follower…. The list goes on.

Last night I was in my room with the lights off having a pity party. Am I really all these things? I’ve lived most of my life working in teams, raising children and resolving conflict. Now all the sudden it’s as if everything I strive to become was thrown out the window and I am being accused of everything that I’ve been told I am not! Well there goes my reputation. I’m gonna have to move out of this city.

After talking with my mom and getting down to the basics of the situation, I realized something important. I need my Dad.

I walked out of my room with tears threatening.
“Dad?”
He was sitting at the computer, glasses on and head in that slouch position that says he’s really concentrating on what he’s doing. I put my hands on his shoulders and start massaging his shoulder blades roughly.
“Dad, I need you to tell me that I’m not stupid or a loser. I need you to remind me that I’m smart and have a purpose. If you don’t, I’m going to go looking for love in all the wrong places and you don’t want that for me, right? Right. So I need you. Do you have any wisdom for me?”
I’m now massaging harder. Pressing on all the knots that I know will hurt. I hear mom chuckling upstairs. My Dad is sort-of laughing and is almost groaning in pain as I am basically killing him on his shoulders.

This began our hour and some conversation. He listened to me. He really heard me. He told me about his work situations and let me know that I wasn’t crazy for the things I was asking for. He reminded me that my employer is human too and that he’s got things to work out on his part also. He told me I was valuable and needed to be shown that. He encouraged me to not be afraid to state what I need. But to also make sure I was listening to the other side too. He told me I was worth it. He helped me pin point more of my dilemma. His perspective got me focused. I wasn’t confused and I felt like I had been cleared of all the wish-washy thoughts that I had been having.

“Wow Dad, Thank you, I really needed that.” We laughed, I almost cried. He gave me a hug and told me to go to bed. He said,
“Chels, Don’t think about it anymore tonight. Get into your bed. Read your book, or play a game on your phone. Let your mind relax and just give it some time to settle in. Then we can tackle it tomorrow when you’re rested and ready.”

I have never heard my Dad talk like that to me before. He knew what I needed. He was willing to help me. Everything that I had said He understood and he took it all and helped me come up with the right conclusion.

So Dad, Thank you. I forgot how much I need you in my life.

For all the Dad’s out there that we forget we need. Cheers to you!

 

 

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