Recently I heard you can’t do what you want until you become who you want to be. I’ve got a couple people in mind when I think of who I want to be. But then I lay in bed and wonder how they can be so perfect. So energetic. So kind. So compassionate. So smart. There’s some kind of constant gravitational pull to them. I’ve tried to resist it and yet it’s something I continue to come back to over and over again because it’s with them that I truly feel secure.
They Shine and can’t stop shining and they don’t even know they are shining. They have this innate ability to see right through me. To see what I’m thinking in any given moment. What I’m feeling. They are able to comfort me when no one knows why I’m frustrated or sad. They ask the right questions. They hear me when I talk. They understand why I can feel like that even if they disagree or see the bigger picture. They love with all their being and draw you into that same love. When you’re around them you feel safe and yet so known and secure it’s almost intimidating and scary.
What I don’t understand is why I can’t touch that light. I can’t find many other people with that same brightness that they have. I’ve looked. I’m still looking. I’ve tried to be it for myself and yet it’s tiring and frustrating and lonely.
How can they so effectively be what everybody needs? I can’t imagine anyone not needing them or wanting them in their life. They make life make sense. I want to be like them but it just makes me miss them instead.